


Reflections

by JinxedAmbitions



Series: Off the Rails [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Autoerotic Asphyxiation, Humiliation, M/M, Masochism, Masturbation, Scars, Sex Toys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-23
Updated: 2018-09-23
Packaged: 2019-07-16 03:34:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16077509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JinxedAmbitions/pseuds/JinxedAmbitions
Summary: Post Off the Rails Time StampPreparing for social events isn't the same when Hux isn't at his side. Kylo falls back into old routines to get himself through, but that doesn't mean Hux is far from his mind...or that he's far from Hux's. It's amazing what good even a short phone call can do.





	Reflections

**Author's Note:**

> This is a brief scene that comes several months after the events of Off the Rails (though it can probably be read on its own without causing confusion or spoiling much if anything of that story).
> 
> Also, I feel like this probably warrants a warning or maybe just an acknowledgment: unsafe sex practices, autoerotic asphyxiation is never safe

 

Stretched to the brink, every movement was bridging the line between pain and pleasure.  Kylo bit his lip as he sank down onto the thick dildo over and over, knees spread wide to allow his body to impale itself as far as possible.  

Kylo dug his nails into his thighs as he maintained a punishing speed that made his thighs burn from the exertion.  He was close. He could feel it low in his belly, but he couldn’t get himself to tip over the edge of it.

Sweat dripped down his forehead and the rest of his body was covered in a sheen from how long he’d been at this.  He couldn’t focus. He needed to feel relief if only for a fleeting moment.

Kylo shifted his weight back, bringing the toy into relentless contacted with his prostate.  His body was so turned on that the sensation of the dildo pressing in at this angle was sweet agony.

Gasping loudly, Kylo lifted his hand and wrapped it around his own throat.  “Please, come on, come on,” he whispered as he felt for his pulse. When he found it, it was beating wildly at the side of his neck.

Kylo closed his eyes and pressed his thumb and middle finger against either side of his throat, right over the jumpy little pulse points.

Keeping his rhythm going, he put more weight back and reached with his other hand to pull at his erection.  

With how much he’d exerted himself and how fast his breath was coming, it didn’t take long to feel the effects of the pressure on his carotid.  He felt lightheaded as the pain and pleasure increased. It was overwhelming, but he still wasn’t there and he kept his hand in position. He jerked his cock harder, movements erratic as he struggled to reach completion.  

“Filthy creature.  Pathetic,” he murmured, imagining a steady hand tipping his chin up to scrutinize him.  “You can’t even follow the simplest directions,” he continued, squeezing his cock painfully.

He imagined Hux standing there beside the bed, fully dressed, berating him in that crisp accent of his.  He folded his arms over his chest, looking down at Kylo with disdain.

Kylo felt suddenly weightless as his body tightened.  Pain screamed through him even as he was engulfed in the ecstasy of orgasm.  He rode the pleasure that started in his core and fanned out all the way to his toes.

He felt relief settle in even as the weightlessness suddenly became too much, and he felt the world slip away.  The last thought his brain allowed him was of Hux’s snear, and it left Kylo with a permeating sense of peace.

* * *

Too full, too sticky, too heavy.  Kylo groaned as he slowly regained consciousness.  He rolled onto his side to untrap his arm from beneath his body.  

Kylo whimpered softly as he reached behind himself and slowly removed the dildo still buried deeply inside him.  He sighed when it slid free and dropped it beside him on the floor.

Blinking the fog away, he slowly sat up.  He felt dizzy as he leaned against the bed frame.  Looking down at himself, he had crusted come on his cock and belly.  

“Fuck,” he sighed, rubbing his hand over his face, feeling the pull of his scar.  

He shouldn’t have done that.  He knew it was a dangerous line, but that feeling…

Pushing himself to his feet slowly, Kylo ran his fingers through his knotted and greasy hair.  He glanced at the clock on his nightstand and made a fist. He was expected to be at a fundraiser for his mother’s latest charitable endeavor.  

Kylo walked into the bathroom and collapsed in the tub.  He turned the water on, and closed the plug. He let his head rest against the lip of the tub as it filled.  

He tried to go over the names of the people who’d organized this event.  Going over each of their positions and contributions. He repeated it all as he cleaned his body.

He was washing his hair when his phone began ringing in his bedroom.  Kylo cursed as shampoo got in his eyes as he attempted to rinse it. The phone continued to play Hux’s ringtone.

Kylo stepped out of the tub, dripping water as he walked into the bedroom completely naked.  He dripped onto the bedspread as he wiped his hands on it to dry them. He picked up the phone just as it notified him that he had a new voicemail.

Kylo called his voicemail and put it on speaker as he went to his closet to pick out which suit to wear.

“ _I’ll assume you’ve been violently murdered, and your corpse is currently being consumed by livestock somewhere, and that is why you aren’t answering the phone at the time you told me to call you…_ ”

Kylo smiled at the fond exasperation in Hux’s voice as he spoke.  Hux’s messages were always a treat. Kylo didn’t think the man had ever missed a call in his life because he certainly acted like it was inconceivable for someone to miss a call.  Sometimes Kylo liked to “accidentally” miss a call just to hear what Hux would say...and to be able to save the message for later.

_“...If by some gross oversight you are still alive, I expect you are getting ready for the event tonight.  Though how hard can it be to choose what to wear when you only wear black suits with black shirts and black vests to every event you attend, with the exception of when you wear black tuxedos with black shirts and black cumberbunds…_ ”

Kylo looked at the all black ensemble he’d pulled from the the rack.  He smiled as he walked over to the tie rack and picked up a crimson colored tie.  That would be enough color.

_“...Anyway...I hope you’re well…_ ” Hux’s voice paused.   _“I don’t want to leave an overly long message.  Good luck this evening. I would like it if you called me when you got home, but I will understand if you are too tired.  I love you, you pathetic wretch,”_ Hux said before hanging up promptly.

Kylo dropped his clothes on the bed and picked up the phone.  He quickly called Hux back, smiling as his call was answered almost immediately.

“Of course, you were just being difficult.  Let me guess, your large fingers make it hard to press the answer button,” Hux said by way of greeting.  Kylo could just picture him pacing his little room aboard the train.

“My fingers are much better suited for other things,” Kylo retorted, wringing the water out of his hair and onto the carpet.  Hux would tan his ass for such behavior, but Hx wasn’t there to discipline him.

“They most certainly are, though I’m loathe to admit it,” Hux said.  He sounded tired. It would be close to one there, and he’d probably be working since six in the morning as usual.  Kylo held his tongue from chiding Hux for working too hard.

“Maybe one day these fingers will succeed in removing the stick from your ass,” Kylo said, going back to the bathroom to grab a towel to actually dry off.

“You’re welcome to try, Kylo, but I’ve had the stick surgically implanted.”

Kylo put the phone on speaker again and dropped it onto the bed.  He dressed quickly, waiting for Hux to pick up the conversation again.

“Are you well?” Hux asked sounding half awake now.

“As good as ever.”

“Of course.  You will do well tonight,” Hux told him, sounding confident.

“Not that it’ll matter.”

“Kylo—”

“Don’t lie to me.  We both know they’ll find something to pick apart,” Kylo argued, pulling his shirt on and tucking it in.  He dreaded these events, but his family insisted. Unlike Luke, he wasn’t allowed to fade into the Slovenian countryside never to be heard from again.  Kylo had _obligations_.

“Pretend it’s me picking you apart.  You always seem to enjoy that,” Hux said around a yawn.

Kylo rolled his eyes, picturing the dark circles beneath Hux’s eyes.  “I could just save myself the trouble of leaving the hotel and have phone sex with you instead,” Kylo suggested, though he knew it would never happen.  Not only was Hux sounding more asleep than awake, but he’d never let Kylo get away with using him as an excuse to avoid a business engagement.

“Unless you’ve developed a penchant for masturbating to the sight of me sleeping, you would be setting yourself up for great disappointment. Even I can’t ricidule you while I’m unconscious,” Hux told him, using that bored tone he adopted when he wanted to teasingly shame Kylo.

Kylo looked down at the tent forming in his slacks and cursed the effect that tone had on him.  He really couldn’t afford a distraction right now, especially when he was still feeling a little lightheaded from his earlier stunt.  Hux would punish him severely if he ever found out about it, and not the sort of punishment Kylo would thoroughly enjoy. He’d probably lock him up in some chastity device and conveniently lose the key.

“I wish you were here,” Kylo said softly as he lifted the red tie over his head.  He couldn’t help the image of him pulling it taut around his throat from flitting through his mind.  

“You know that wouldn’t be possible.  Imagine what they would say if you showed up to your mother’s event with a lowly valet,” Hux told him the same thing he did every time Kylo lamented their distance.  Kylo had long ago given up fighting Hux’s belief that people would care. Hux certainly acted more stately than Kylo ever had.

“I suppose,” Kylo agreed, settling the knot perfectly between the points of his collar.  Hux had taught him how to tie the damn thing. He was fairly certain that Hux could do it in his sleep, but it always took Kylo twice as long to make a knot that wasn’t nearly as neat.  Still, it was better than showing up without a tie and having to listen to his mother’s derision.

“Kylo?” Hux’s voice was soft, tender for a man who rarely said anything that didn’t have a biting edge to it.

Kylo hummed to let Hux know he was listening as he looked at himself in the full length mirror.  His suit covered the worst of his scars, but there was no hiding the damage to his face. Even when he smiled, it looked unsettling.  Forget about eating. With the damage to his facial muscles, not to mention the damage done to his digestive tract, Kylo would not be caught dead eating at one of these events.  This left the unfortunate side effect that he tended to get far too drunk.

Hux didn’t say anything right away, like he knew what Kylo was doing and didn’t want to interrupt.  Hux did not often allow Kylo time to wallow in self loathing, but he never told Kylo to avoid looking at himself.  In fact, he encouraged Kylo to look at himself instead of hiding. Hux seemed to believe that if Kylo did it enough, one day he might not hate what he saw reflected back at him.  That day had yet to come, but Kylo continued to force himself to face his reflection...because he trusted Hux.

When Hux did finally speak, it was so soft that Kylo had to wonder if he’d muttered it in his sleep.

“No matter the time or the distance, we’ll always have Venice.”

By the time Kylo got to his phone, the call had disconnected, but the words echoed in his head.   _We’ll always have Venice._ Kylo shook his head, forcing himself not to get lost in memories of their time together in Venice.  Those memories had kept him company on plenty of lonely nights when Hux was too busy to video chat.

Venice was what kept Kylo going when everything around him felt like it was crushing in on him.  

Turning back to the mirror, Kylo studied his appearance and tried to envision Hux standing beside him, brushing nonexistent lint from his suit.  He tried to see the man that Hux found appealing. Kylo couldn’t see it, but he didn’t doubt that Hux saw something in him and for now that was enough.

**Author's Note:**

> So, this fic is really a bit of a teaser for what is actually the second part of this series which is called We'll Always Have Venice. It is my intention to write and post that story for Kinktober or throughout the month of October (and probably into November, let's be real). It will chronicle the time Kylo and Hux spent in Venice after the events of Off the Rails, and as you might imagine it will be quite kinky.
> 
> This fic may also turn into the first chapter of the third fic in the series if I get around to writing it.


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